everyday the wound gets bigger.............

i watched being human today, wow that really was a big big slap on the face.here i wanna write what i want to say to him and how i feel :

- - - - - i want you to be here not just in my dreams, cuz everyday im suffocating and i can't breathe cuz how much tears and cries i cried for you somehow i know you won't be here, never.i..im in so much pain i can/t breathe properly and i know its stupid but wht the hell am i supposed to do?! i cried every night cuz nothing seems to bring light to my life, i want to live my life but it feels so empty.sometimes i just think that wouldn't it be better if i'd just be the undead.live to kill but i have feelings and how much its hurting me im still waiting for you.so if there is 0.0000001% that kiyuu is not just a fiction, god please bring him to me cuz i can't breathe no more. my heart feels like its stuffed with needles and so much pain is in me im bursting with depression.so if you're out there kiyuu nakahara, please just rescue me.please. in any way i'll accept it with open arms, i'll give anything so just could you take me away.somewhere far enough so that i'll be able to at least have a taste of happiness and joy.everytime i watched those damned vampire and wolves movies, drama series or  i read a book bout those creatures, im reminded of you and the pain goes up to my spine cuz wht im seing is something that i longed for but will never happen.but i love it, those kinds of stories just filled my imagination bout you so the pain is something like a payment.but  how long can i pay??until my deaths.....im wasting my life n time trying to wait 4 something that im pretty sure ain't gonna happen but i still do.i will do.i will wait for you, kiyuu.

lovely bones.....i wonder if i die....

i watched lovely bone and it was so lovely that i had chills on my bones.it remind me of myself,would anyone cry like that i were gone.would the world around me be better??would someone shed an honest tear for me??
i hope to meet my moon sooner cuz i don`t want to leave this world without a glimpse of those beautiful blue eyes that shines my heart trough.i want kiyuu,i want him so bad cuz i know i might be more than happy if he was here.i love him even if i myself not sure whether he exist or not.

am i a worthy friend???? FUCK THAT!!

so i had a fuckin rough month with the fact that i was struggling to get the beast tickets and with the nie mag shit,everything was on my shitty mind that i couldn`t think a fucking thing!and it happens to be my besties birthday and stupid me i fuckin forgot!and now shes all sulking and pissed.i guess i was wrong there huh cuz im such a friggin bad person,bout she saying not im acknowledging that she is my friend was so fuckin wrong!yeah i changed my status and stuff sayin that im engaged but i was just shitting around!!!no fuckin hard feelings there but i guess she is offended huh.hey babe its just for fun alrite!!since i found a cute twin i just wanna play around and at least dream that im engaged to him cuz i know i`ll never fucking be wit him.and now she is posting on her blog of how bad and obsessed i am bout beast,girl i appreciate all your effort n stuff alright!if doojoon and u were falling down a friggin cliff i`d save u first alrite!!but i guess maybe everybody just hates me huh,cuz im such an odor everybody  wanted to stay away......friend 4ever wtf is that!!huh i know im selfish n stuff well bitches i guess im sory but nothin can change that. even if i changed all cuz i ve met him the shining moon in black skies.
i gotta admit i want to be a good person,have a lot of great friends and smile all the time but the fact is im just that dark black sky that rains rocks everyday......

stupid fucking boring life...only the black sky and one lonely moon

im so pissed!!why is it im the only one that wanna win that shit!!im mean c`mon a bit of passion will be friggin enough but well yeah u guys just gotta say "do what you want" it literally means whtevr.damned!!yela maybe aq ni jew yg org x ske sgt.hmm dri dulu smpai skrang sensorg jew,tpi mmg shit gle kalu aq nii give up kan.aq thu ble aq da bsar maybe ill be happy but as for now,ikut jela arus dunia yg mcm taik nii!aq xpenah rse cm well dihrgai tuu la aq boros kat concert tuu sume,wlaupun sekejap at least aq happy slama 2 jam tuu x dew rse cam diri nii x guna.tp ble habis aq pnye depression dtg blek.aq org yg dengki kewh?x penah rsa happy ble tgk kwn aq yg lain tuu ade best friend yg diorg bangakan2 or just maybe jealous.yela kengkwn aq dlu sume da jdi hot smpai ble aq contact pown wat palau,lgi la yg 2org lnsung pndang rendah lgi kat aq!mntang2 la diorg pndai,byk a pmr kan.
FUCK btul laa!!hmm well aq ni mmg boring and maybe irritating cuz aq tgk sume org sroh aq change attitude!!
ckp attitude jew mnela aq nk phm,ckpla btol2 aq nii sombong kew,x gune kew,kelebang kew bru la aq thu ape yg ptut di CHANGE kan!da la ckp attitude pown x btul,sorg nii eja pown tungang langang!haish hina sgt kew aq nii cuz i really feels like it!!!KIYUU ble ko nk muncul!!2 thun aq tgu but nothing....just a beautiful full moon another after another..... tears rolling down my friggin cheeks knowing that u might just be looking at the same black sky like i did.loving the view of the lonely moon.....

the first post huh..

warning!!this blog will be very dark since im not feeling so happy this few months.
it will be bout me and me only.got it bitches so no need to waste your time reading this blog since i`ll be bashing myself and other peoples here.muah~~
and cheers to a new crappy blog and life,woah im so tired(emotionally)
i think i kinda have depression but im haven`t confirmed that that to myself yet.what i know is that this year has been way shitty than i thought it would be.well since im such a fucking brat nothing seems to going my way and im sick of hearing people complaining bout my fucking attitude!!huh its so dumb to think i`ll ever change.
i won`t ok,just please comprehend with that crappy fact ok.yep sometimes i feel like i am destined  to be all alone cuz i always feel like i have friggin friends or anyone on my back.im worthless right.
so anyway this is my fucking first post and see (no body) later!!