one last way... to keep you alive.... to keep my promises....

i know what i have to do now......
one last goodbye.

a gift that will make your presence eternal....
never to fade or rusts by passing hours, by time....

i will write you, everything.. anything....
your life, pain, tears, laughs and screams......
everything that i see before they dim out in my memories, all those reasons why i love you,
i'll put them in a bouquet of words beautifully....

so at least i won't just be reminded of fractions of you....
broken down, blurry and unclear

 a decade from now, maybe i can read that book of you and smile....
because then, i'll know you're not just a childish dream, you were a part of who i am.

this is my last greetings, a gift from the deepest part of my heart...
so then my wish to thank you won't burn me down anymore...............

even if i couldn't love you, at least then my one last wish to thank you will be put to life...
and i can put head up high and tell everyone that i really do love you.
and without an ounce of shame, you will be something i can speak of..

kiyuu, thank you.......

dream....... A song that mocks my heart...

"my remaining days cannot erase you ....  "
"so sweetly like a lie, i walk with you in my dreams"
"this slow heart makes me miserable, so i can't throw away the promises that remains with me"
"so that i can fall asleep in your embrace that i feel i'll never be in again.."
"the memories i thought that could be forever , you are growing more and more faint.."
"like the memories that lost its voice"

this song i feel like it's mocking me, it's the same. what i feel now it's exactly the same...
it's as if my thought were reborn into this music that i have listened to days and days not knowing what it meant until today......
this is how i feel, word by word translated so perfectly, as if it's mocking my longing....

how i miss him, how  long for him how he is getting further and how im walking a way..... everything is in this one song. haha how ironic is this, finding this after all those shows i put on about how i am leaving..... this song is mocking me and as much as i hate it , i love this song...this music.....

you really are a dream right kiyuu, a dream that i've hold on too strong that my bones are cracking..
i really hate this........... so much.......

i hate leaving u behind, i hate swallowing the reality i hate that this just said all that is locked in my heart and so the moment where i found it out im breaking down into pieces.

but there is no turning back not anymore........ i've said my good bye so i will walk ahead.

slowly... my tears dries..

its a few weeks after i threw u away....
i was hurt, that pain still.... it lingers within me.
but still im moving forward, im not looking at your windows anymore hoping that you would come out
every time i pass your house i look away, i'll look to the ground

im still crying, im still in pain but im not in longing anymore....
i've moved on kiyuu....... i really did have. but i have to admit there are many times where i just hope that you would just call me and ask me to turn back. i u did, i within a heartbeat would turn back and run to you....
but i know u wont so slowly im dragging my feet forward ... who knows i'll find someone who would really call my name.

but the thing i wanted to say so bad was.... thank you.
no matter how much u poisoned me, you were my life line a few years back.....
so i promise i wont erase you from my memories, instead when the smell of roses lingers
when the moon became full and on new year's eve where fireworks paints the black sky

i'll think of you... i'll remember how you looked up and complimented the sky..
that smile you gave me, the warmth of your cold hands and that word......

i'll remember it well ...... i'll remember you .

im sorry...

im sorry i couldn't keep my promise, i guess the moon will never be full forever

and because of that im sorry...